Thinking about David Gray

Friday night I'm going nowhere
All the lights are changing green to red
Turning over TV stations
Situations running through my head
Well looking back through time
You know it's clear that I've been blind
I've been a fool
To ever open up my heart
To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule

Saturday I'm running wild
And all the lights are changing red to green
Moving through the crowd I'm pushing
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream
Only wish that you were here
You know I'm seeing it so clear
I've been afraid
To tell you how I really feel
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made

If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now

Babylon, Babylon

Sunday all the lights of London
Shining , Sky is fading red to blue
I'm kicking through the Autumn leaves
And wondering where it is you might be going to
Turning back for home
You know I'm feeling so alone
I can't believe
Climbing on the stair
I turn around to see you smiling there
In front of me

If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt

It's thunderstorms, it's David Gray, it's this exam I desperately need to finish...and that's where my cheesy "adult soft rock" music comes in. 

motions

Last night's phrases
Sick with lack of basis
Are still writhing on my floor

and

When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king

What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight
And he'll win the whole thing before he enters the ring
There's no body to batter when your mind is your might
So when you go solo, you hold your own hand
And remember that depth is the greatest of heights
And if you know where you stand, then you know where to land
And if you fall it won't matter, 'cause you'll know that you're right

little lies

tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies, oh no you can't disguise...

the weather has been excruciatingly excellent, so excellent I can't seem to take a stab at studio or my final term paper. things at school have been questionable, and it's unreasonable to some degree, but it's true that I don't feel as if I'm going out with a bang..an explosion..or even a feeling of success. maybe because graduation is anti-climatic anyway because I don't have a plan for anything...so the end of school seems less than pleasant. at the same time, I'm glad to be leaving. recently it's just seemed easy to let time pass and waste into boring things, sitting in the sun for hours and contemplating. I suppose for some things there has to be an allowance for grievance and being a generally not-so-great person to be around, but tomorrow has to be different. if there was a ever a time to truly feel in the right place, and to make it happen..anything happen, then maybe that should be now. take my piece of the cake or something. 

my piece for the show is "what we've done is nobody's fault"; some have cringed. i don't really care. it's a step in the right direction. 

ahhhhh i love fleetwood mac.

Dream about a dandy?

The sleeping aid I'm taking is taking a toll on my dreams, as they seem to get more and more bizarre, although with the one this morning I am pretty sure Fitzgerald is finding his way in somehow.

Yesterday: a Hello Kitty parade in Japan. It seems my family has gone off to vacation there. There's a murder, because we're all sitting in the tatami room and I look out the window and there is a police car. I'm scared because, it seems, someone has committed a murder.

This morning: I'm having trouble sleeping (?), and a dandy gentleman (yes, circa 18th-19th century Britain) comes by to visit me and for some reason I'm lonely and we talk and when he puts me to bed I distinctly remember the words coming out of my mouth, like vomit.."oh, darling. just hold my hand, hold my hand! the fragility!" and he holds my hand, and then I say oh please do take off your gloves (and mind you they are fancy white little gloves with embroidery..) and then the darling gentleman takes off his glove and I hold it to my pale, fragile face and I cry a little and say oh please do kiss me. And then I fall asleep. And then I wake up and I'm at a mall with some friends AND the dandy gentleman is there but we don't seem to notice each other although we are all "hanging out" but somehow in danger and this local, sad, 80's mall of sorts. Talk about weird. I think it's inspired by The Beautiful and Damned, somehow.

Also, the dandy gentleman is no fantasy of mine, believe it!