My mind keeps running back to the summer in Taiwan. I feel like I'm losing it though, slowly. Today it's raining and I feel incomplete. Who could explain this feeling? I used to enjoy the rain, but probably because it was depressing. And since I'm not really into sad bastard music anymore...I wish it would stop. Had this really weird dream that my eyes were bleeding, my contact was crusted with blood.
When I woke up, I was scared.
I can't sleep. I'm excited, sort of, about being back in Pittsburgh. I miss Taipei a lot, but there's so much to think about here that there's no way I can spend any time moping around unless you count tonight. Jetlag is going to be the death of me. Sonic Youth the 29th, moving back to Pittsburgh this Friday..this summer was really amazing. I didn't think I'd have a summer as good as the last one, but here I am wishing it could've lasted a little bit longer. Moving on, going on..et cet era.
Things are settling in. We were sitting in Amy's room talking about how we'd be back in our respective homes and places in about 3 weeks, and it made me wish we weren't leaving so soon. I love being in Taipei. I was thinking about what would happen if I came back every summer. I really would if I could. I'm worried that when I go back I'll forget everything I learned and I really don't want to. We're going to the Children's Toy Festival this week. For the first time last week I went ice skating at the Taipei Arena. And I know how to say "I don't know" in taiwanese. and I'm so excited about life and everything until I start thinking about internships and making art and stuff...that's bad, probably. Wa-mm-zhai! Gee-Gee-Gwai-Gwai..
(view from my balcony)
Danshui was a long subway ride, but worth it in the end. I keep wishing that I was here with people other than low and behold, my family. But I guess that comes true on Monday, when I start the program.
Today we went to MiaoLi, birthplace of my grandfather and his father and all their ancestors. Melody kept throwing the burning incense around. We were there to pray, and so we did. I remember playing with firecrackers at the old house during Chinese New Year's, when I was really little. It's weird, to think about all this ancestry stuff, with the way things are today. I doubt my kids will care much in the end. Won't most of it be lost by the time their generation rolls around? That also, with a number of other things, makes me sad.
Yesterday we went to YaoMing Moutain to see the view of Taipei, all the way to Danshui, pretty pretty. My dad told me how him and my mom would always drive up to see the sunsets. The view is so amazing. The road was narrow, but meant for two cars which was sort of scary. Anyway, words can't describe the scenery. When we were at the highest point, Melody started asking us "We're not in Taiwan anymore, how are we going get back? Is this still in Taiwan? How will we ever return?.."..aw.
Then we went to Shiling Night Market to take sticker pictures and go shopping, success as always. I got to eat my favourite, Ei-Ue (um..how to spell?. Tonight we are getting dinner in Danshui by the oceanside with some friends. Okay. Ugh.
"but doesn't it get lonely
riding up there to the sun
on a single raft for one?
don't you wish for someone to pull you
on a string down from atmospheres
down into a clearing
to kiss and box your ears?"
- laura veirs
pulling, swallowing, eating, containing, releasing, devouring, owning, flowing, merging, turning and tossing into a beautiful thing. that is love. and it is all i can seem to think about today, in the most nostalgic sort of sense.
